Are you "all in?" Intentional positive self-talk
If you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ll surely come to learn, I am definitely a “type a” personality with perfectionist tendencies. Why do I share this? It is my reality, and because of my temperament, I’m not one to half-ass (pardon the expression) anything. I’m either all in, or all out. When I do something, I either go the extra mile or I won’t – simple as that. I hate it, but that’s my reality, and I’m working to make improvements every day!
My apologies for being absent from my blog. I have A LOT of recent experiences and topics that are blog worthy, and while I truly enjoy sharing my motherhood journey in this forum, somehow I’ve put my blog aside this past month. I’ve been “all out” (so to speak) because I haven’t wanted to post a half-assed article. Well, I’ve recently been doing some reading and introspection that has me making a shift in my thinking – “just write, Jaylene.”
I’ve been making excuses. My three-year-old wears me out mentally and physically. The baby won’t nap at the same time as my son. And, why does it seem chores have multiplied with the addition of another little human? These chores and household responsibilities are preventing me from during the things I enjoy (so I think).
With the 30 minutes (maybe) I can muster for myself during naptime, I either want to get chores caught up around the house, fit in some physical activity or take some down-time to message my friends, check Facebook or relax on the couch. Most days, I do chores. On the off chance I nap with my babies, I feel worse than when I went to sleep, as I awaken to a greater feeling of guilt for shirking my many responsibilities.
To make matters worse, on the days we all nap, I usually feel the need to be productive when we wake up. After our naps, I try to do the dishes, fold clothes, pick up the house and get dinner started. More guilt. I’m torn between the need to feel productive the need of my children for my undivided attention.
The role of a mother – whether a working professional or a stay-at-home mom – is a fine balancing act, and the reality is I’ve had I’m having a tough time finding balance. We mamas play many roles, sometimes simultaneously. We are our own person, we are a wife, lover, mother, daughter, sister, mentor, friend…and the list could go on.
The perfectionist in me believes I should give 100% to everything I do all the time. I don’t much care for the idea of giving 10% here, 10% there and 10% somewhere else. I either give 100% all the time, or I don’t. Simple as that.
Here’s where a shift in thinking is needed (for me, at least). There’s only so much of “me” to go around, so why not give my 100% in each of my roles. (Light bulb moment?!) If I can devote just 30 minutes a day of playtime with my children, why not give it my 100% effort? If I have just one hour to devote to chores, why not focus and devote 100% effort for that small time frame?
I know it sounds simple to some, and others may think, “Throw the chores out the window, silly!” But to me, and my overachieving persona, I somehow tell myself that if I can’t give 100% all the time at all levels, I’m a failure and the entire day has been a waste. I realize this is not true, but this is my reality.
Actually, I need to also slow down and remember to allow for God’s grace. If I feel I haven’t given 100% to my household chores, that doesn’t mean I can’t stop for just 20 minutes to give 100% to my children. Or, even call my own mama and give her 100% attention for just 10 short minutes.
We had a delightful guest speaker today at our Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) meeting – Dr. Bobbi Wallin, Ms. New Mexico 2015. (I hope to have her as a guest contributor on this blog in the future!) She has an important, wide-reaching platform about self-image. My key take away from her presentation was a reminder for me to remove my negative self-talk. I once had a dear friend who, when I would get down on myself, would say to me, “Don’t talk about my friend Jaylene that way.” She was right! And so is Ms. New Mexico. Negative self-talk can be a real detriment to our physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health. My guess is that I’m not the only mama that turns to this from time to time (or more times than we’d like to admit).
That’s one reason why I am so passionate about my blog and sharing with you – all 100 of you (my fans, as of this posting) – because I want you to know that you are not alone. Again, I say, we are on this motherhood journey together – all the challenges and all the tremendous joys that come with our most important role in life!
I’d like to end today’s post with a promise and an exercise. I promise to make the time to write and share with you my motherhood journey on a more regular basis – no matter the stack of dishes or mounds of laundry. I will make a solid effort to put aside my perfectionist tendencies and just write, because, after all, seeing my words and inner thoughts on paper, and knowing I may be helping at least one mom along the way energizes me! The exercise I’d like to leave you with is something shared recently with our MOPs group by a seasoned mama and fellow Christ follower: First, close your eyes and picture your child in your mind. If you have more than one child, choose one. I know it’s hard to pick just one, but for the sake of this exercise, picture that child. Now, in your mind, tell your child about all the positive traits and abilities you admire. Got it?! Okay…close your eyes once more, and picture our loving Lord and Savior as your Daddy, Abba, Father, and with his arms open to you, imagine him telling you all the wonderful things you just listed about the traits you admire in your child. Tissue anyone?!
Positive self-talk. Pray about it. Embrace it. I know this may come as a challenge for me over the next few days and weeks, but I’m “all in.” Won’t you join me?
